he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
