holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
