I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize