So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
