dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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