I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
from now on my penis is your penis
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
