brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
