I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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