but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
