I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish i was in the wii world.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
