What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
