textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
