he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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