If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
