He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize