you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize
