Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
