3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize