Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
