did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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