An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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