When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
