Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
