im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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