You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
