i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
