Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
