it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
