My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
