omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize