just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
