rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
