Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
