Soap is not a condiment
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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