life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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