If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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