I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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