"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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