she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
