Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Someone came in the potted fern
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
