does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
