shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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