she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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