seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
