I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
me + whiskey = a bad person
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
