hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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