this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
