I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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