So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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