All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
