who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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