I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
