I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
what day is it and did you see me today?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
