I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize