Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
