I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
