I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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