the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
