Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
