My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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