I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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