I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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