There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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