The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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