Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I love you.
Bad choice
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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