dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
