I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
