Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
