So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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