I just pynch a tree in the face
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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