U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
