I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
