I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
