I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
there was a trapeze. enough said
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
