Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
