i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
