I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
