he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
