I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize