Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
