think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
