he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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