I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
