Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
