I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
