So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
