So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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